Announcement: Jalopnik

"Mergio Sarchionne" (mergios) 07/12/2018 at 13:37 • Filed to: None

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I am very proud to announce that I have made an offer for Jalopnik to Univision that is currently being considered. I’d like to share my plans for the site once the offer is accepted.

1) Mandate that Patrick George does more actual test driving himself. Hopefully he’ll write off a few more pre-production GM vehicles, just to fuck with them.

2) Create a new vertical like Foxtrot Alpha, Blackflag and the others called “Jeepnik” and make David Tracy the editor, give him unprecedented access to our archives, concepts and prototypes.

3) Update the terms of service to exclude anyone that does not buy FCA vehicles.

4) Expand upon the current editorial stance of GMG on Tesla.

5) Bring Oppositelock back home to the front page, but rename it to “Mopar Chum Club”

Please let me know your thoughts below.

Thomas Donohue > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:40

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Are you sure you want to part with that $1,400 ? ?

AestheticsInMotion > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:41

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I'll get behind this, if only for Jeepnik. 

CaptDale - is secretly British > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:44

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I’ll only get behind this if Patrick writes off Hyundai vehicles instead of GM ones

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:45

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Will the entire Jalopnik staff be required to wear matching uni-sex black sweaters?

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:48

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do old fca vehicles count?

coz ill get another panda in a heartbeat... missus forgave me last time...

im okay with the list

save for 5.... mopar chum chub? baaaaaaaah

but fuck it ill take it

ranwhenparked > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:49

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Are you going to frequently announce new initiatives and strategies, then cancel them withi n 24 hours?

Oh, and invest everything into Deadspin and Jalopnik, plus the two smallest and least profitable blogs (I'm assuming Splinter and The Takeout?) and neglect everything else, cutting Gizmodo to just two staff members?

Chariotoflove > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:52

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This is a merger I can get behind.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:53

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Tracy would probably have an immediate, hands-free, sustained orgasm  if he was given unfettered access to the Jeep archives.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 13:55

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I will only support this if the main page is supported on 20 year old web platform still being used from a formerly failed merger with Daim l er.

MoCamino > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky 07/12/2018 at 14:09

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Each article they write will be mandated to include the phrases “This conversation has become tiresome” and “Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance” in a bad German accent. And they must all change their middle names to Dieter.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > MoCamino 07/12/2018 at 14:16

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No, no that was the Daimler- Chrysler Era you’re thinking of

Takuro Spirit > Mergio Sarchionne 07/12/2018 at 14:19

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I like the sound of Mopar Chum Club. Or Mo par Chub Club.

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > Thomas Donohue 07/12/2018 at 14:23

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That’s what they’re paying him to take it.

benjrblant > Thomas Donohue 07/12/2018 at 14:49

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CP!

Thomas Donohue > benjrblant 07/12/2018 at 15:01

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Shhh.....he was the only bid, he could have got it for the $249 f iling fee.

Mergio Sarchionne > Takuro Spirit 07/12/2018 at 16:16

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Go to Chub clubs on your own time.  

Stef Schrader > MoCamino 07/22/2018 at 22:35

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Man, I guess it’s time to resurrect that Lemons theme.

Stef Schrader > ranwhenparked 07/22/2018 at 22:35

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that sounds way too much like the status quo

Stef Schrader > Mergio Sarchionne 07/22/2018 at 22:36

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something something editorial integrity blah blah contributor jumping ship immediately yadda yadda

( is parsh hiring?)

MoCamino > Stef Schrader 07/22/2018 at 23:20

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